Get It Right: Misconceptions About Gay Sex

So how do gays enjoy sex?

Probably the biggest mistake is believing that there is such a thing as gay sex or straight sex. You're gay if you're gay. The sexual positions you choose don't determine your sexual orientation. Sex is simply... sex. It has no gender. We are only limited by our imaginations and the labels we assign to different acts.

But you're here for a reason. So check out what follows for examples of sexual positions, roles, and what it can look like with different bodies and genders.

Types of sex (that can be enjoyed by anyone)

Oral sex vs. anal sex

Although many people immediately think of anal sex when they think of cisgender gay men (a person whose gender identity corresponds to their sex assigned at birth), oral sex may be the most popular sexual act. A study of gay and bisexual men found that 72.7% of men surveyed performed oral sex during their last sexual encounter, compared to only 37.2% who performed anal sex.

Anal sex can feel less spontaneous for several reasons. First, anal sex requires having a lubricant on hand. Anuses don't self-lubricate, so you need a high-quality, long-lasting lubricant . Second, preparation for backdoor sex varies. Since poop comes out through the rectum, you'll want to make sure you've cleaned the anus and the immediate entrance. Also, stay away from any foods that cause gas. Some people also choose to perform enemas/anal douche to cleanse the area, but it's recommended that you prepare properly and limit this to two or three times per week. Finally, it may require more arousal, relaxation, and mental preparation to prepare that area for safe and easy penetration, so other forms of sex, such as oral sex and handjobs, may be preferred.

Penetrative sexual positions

Penetrative sex is practiced in all kinds of positions. Here are three examples and their mechanics.

Missionary

Missionary, where two people face each other and the person on top penetrates the person below, can be romantic and connecting. There are plenty of opportunities to gaze into each other's eyes and observe facial expressions.

Doggy style

Traditionally, we think of a person being penetrated while on all fours by someone standing behind them. But don't limit yourself to that angle! This position can work with the receiver anywhere, from a flat back, like a neutral yoga table, with a flattened torso and butt up (think of Child's Pose or Puppy Pose), all the way to lying completely flat or flat with a pillow supporting the pelvic area.

On horseback

One person lies on their back while the person on top penetrates themselves with the other person's penis, strap-on , etc. The person on top can look at their partner's face or ride backward, which provides an excellent view of their ass.

There are an incredible number of variations you can make with any position. For example:

1. Someone with a penis, harness, or toy can penetrate another person's anus, vagina, or mouth.
2. Someone may penetrate another person's anus, vagina, or mouth with their hand.
3. Someone with an anus or vagina can be penetrated.

Functions

Despite assumptions that there should be one male and one female partner, gay people don't have to live up to heterosexual standards (nor do heterosexual couples). There can be two male individuals, two female individuals, two non-binary individuals, or any other combination (including the addition of additional partners) regardless of gender identities.

Tops/Bottoms

You may have heard the terms "top" and "bottom" before. They often refer to who gives/receives penetrative sex in gay male couples. But they're also used by other couples to refer to who is more likely to take the giving versus receiving role and/or take charge of the sexual encounter. They're useful terms when looking for sexually compatible partners because they indicate who is interested in doing what sexually (useful for straight guys too!). Individuals can also identify as switches or versatile if they like to mix it up. While many dominants are tops and many submissives are bottoms, this is by no means a rule, so it's best not to make assumptions.

There are no sexual acts limited to gays, lesbians, straights, or anyone else. Sexual acts can't be gay, but people can. This means you can be a straight cis man who enjoys being penetrated by a female partner or a gay man (cis or trans) who doesn't enjoy penetration at all.